A moral dilemma

I keep avoiding the Cadwell Park Crashfest thread.

Because I want to sign up and come.

But there's a terrible moral dilemma involved. Got the twins, (three months old now), got the 20 month old daughter, got the all time consuming job. Got my other two kids as well that I try and see at the weekends. Amy is doing so well managing to cope, sometimes I'm not there enough because of the job. But I try to get home every night in time to cook a meal for everyone and get the kids to sleep. We get about an hour together every night. Quality time? Not sure.... we are so knackered and worn out. Anyone with kids will understand this. Weekends are about a bit of recovery and sharing the load. But OMG I miss the SD time. The Sunday runs, (sorry Kliky), the messing about cleaning and fettling the bike, the needless trips round the bike shops on Saturday morning to look at stuff and just get the bike fired up.

Just to hear the engine running.

Just to put on my leathers.

Just to smell engine oil.

Just to clip my visor down and snick the gearbox into first.

Just to find an open road and tear through the quickshifter,

to hit the apex,

to get the rush,

to breath.

to live.

Do you understand?

fook. I managed to get the 13th at Brands Hatch with some of you guys. I was rusty.

I'm booked onto the 18th for another tiny break of liberation.

But I just don't know how far I can push it with Amy. I'm genuinely think she will not agree to two/three days on her own coping with three kids without me. And I don't really know if it's fair to ask.

So come on you lot. Give me a thread that I can let her read. A thread so I don't need to ask her myself. A thread that I can, one night after I cook her a meal and put the kids to bed and clean up the kitchen and give her a bunch of flowers and tell her I love her and then take her to the computer and say,

"read this"......

If you guys can't put together a compelling argument why I should leave my beautiful girlfriend, mother of my children, best mate, trusted friend, long suffering partner to spend three days with you ugly lot, crashing bikes, talking shit, drinking cheap beer, farting, unwashed, oily, stinking, sweaty.......

.....then I don't know who can.

My fate is in your hands my good friends.

Hi Bic,

I might go myself, haven't decided yet but then I don't have to justify the decision to anybody so it's easy. You on the other hand have more demands to juggle and here is two ways you might do it.

The honest approach would be to trade. Offer to send her away for a weekend of pampering while you wipe, feed and change the infants in exchange for allowing you a sweaty weekend with the SD crew.

The more manipulative approach would be to "accidentally" leave this bit on screen when Amy is likely to read it and say nothing....

If you guys can't put together a compelling argument why I should leave [color=#FF0000]my beautiful girlfriend, mother of my children, best mate, trusted friend, long suffering partner[/color] to spend three days with you ugly lot, crashing bikes, talking shit, drinking cheap beer, farting, unwashed, oily, stinking,

Reading you being soppy about her in public should do the job

Good luck!

It's Sunday afternoon to what, Tues or Weds night. No different to a short business trip.
The only difference being you'll be having fun.

I can't really see the problem.

I've booked the 3 days but have no idea if I'll be there.
Truth is I don't seem to be motivated to ride or enjoy it like I used to.

Do you want to go, or would you rather just give the bike a another clean?
Only you know the answer.

Not as simple as that Pete, is it?

Sick of surviving on opportunistic cleaning sessions, need to ride. Actually, I hardly ever 'clean' the bike. I just prep it for riding, but that sometimes involves a bit of cleaning.

Course I want to go. But it's not just me that it effects. I have to go away on business a lot, (I think like you), and that is always a mandatory.....""I have to be away for the next few days...blah blah..."

But this is a leisure activity. And Amy doesn't get that luxury.....ever.

Is that fair?

Moral dilemma? What exactly might that be here? Not like you're forsaking all for hookers and blow. I say its just guilt talking here. A valueless commodity, guilt.

Clean bike??? For people who don't ride and/or clearly have time to kill. A clean bike is a sign of wasted time (life) that could have been spent riding!

If you're worried about "fair" (and there is no "fair") - I'm going to assume she has some time consuming interests she's passionate about, external to home, family, and you - ? Maybe encourage her to do on occasion as you'd like: To get away for a few days now and then, where you'll take on the whole enchilada while she gets away from the "routine".

It's something anyone with a lot on their plate needs - that occasional escape. Business travel is hardly that, and when you return all expect you to make up for time away - as if you were on holiday or something.

Finding that balance with the sig other, and encouraging each other to pursue the things that you're both passionate about - independent of each other, is what can make things work IMO. Plenty of other common interest time to fill the days of your lives, to not worry (or feel guilty) about the occasional departure.

Good luck man!

It is a difficult one, I'm not sure if I have the answer, I solved it by sending my mrs and the kids to another country to see her Mum

Does she have any relatives that she doesn't see often and really misses, who would also love to put her up and help out with the kids

To be honest usually I just say I'm thinking about booking something and that it means I'll be away and does she mind and she normally never says no but I work from home so I'm here most of the time and so she abuses that fact when it comes to childcare or wanting to eat lunch out, which then leads me to have to do work I didn't get done during the day in the evening after she has gone to bed, a lot of my overtime has been stuff I can do from home so haven't had to go to site out of hours very much at all lately and they banned us from doing work outside of kent so no nights away anymore either so not as difficult as you situation.

I think best thing you can do is give her a treat, if she's not getting out much cause of your workload etc then arange for her to have a few days to do some of the things she likes to do and then drop hints about cadwell having a lot of superdukes attending and must be getting nearly full now etc, difficult if she's breastfeeding, our daughter has been exclusively breastfed, never even a bottle of expressed milk so it's rather difficult for my mrs to do anything for more than a few hours at a time, her leisure time really only involves visiting other mums we know with the kids or going for a run after the kids go to bed.

At this point I started to right an essay about the frustrations of being a parent regards having time to yourself etc but is too easy to get carried away so figured I'll save it for a face to face chat/counselling session.

We should all start writing random comments on your wall on facebook, "Hey Bic, have you booked up for the Annual Superduke.net 2 dayer in august yet, last year was awesome, the absolute highlight of my year, it really is an excellent way to de stress from work and family life, kept me in good spirits for the rest of the year, I think spaces are filing up though so you might need to get in there quick if you can make it, it would be great to see you there "

Then people can post follow up comments about how great it was for them and you can reply how you're not sure it's fair to leave Amy etc then hopefully she'll see it and make your decision for you

Id love to be able to write something compelling to aid your worry.

But from what I have read about you and Amy as your partner, I have no doubt if you mentioned the very thought of this to her she would be asking why you had not booked up already, and I presume her happiness is seeing you happy, and I think if she knew spending 3 days with some unruly hooligans would not bring a smile to your face for the next month to come and the month after, then she cant know you very well. But I suspect she does

I'd def be leaning towards sending Amy away for a pampered weekend to make up for it. I'm sure she deserves it anyway but this way it's a win win situation.

Oh and don't worry Bic I can always edit this page for you before you show it to Amy. Any unsympathetic posts can be made to vanish

I think you call it "ME TIME"

Bic I feel your pain, I don't have kids but would kill to have some at the moment ( getting older )

My Kerry is extremely good about my bike obsession but only because the bike came first. However she is having a bad time at work so I might ask her if she wants to come along, could you do the same? There's plenty of green space and I'm sure it would be safe for your older kids? I'm sure Amy would enjoy all the different company and it would take her briefly away from the drudgery of home life for 2 or 3 days.

If all else fails go for the compromise and just do 1 of the days?

If kerry comes along she can provide therapy for our tired legs as she is a sports massage therapist. I still haven't told her i'm going though

Well I hope if Kerry comes with us that she is ok about it. Don't fancy sharing a 4 hour journey with an atmosphere of a domestic dispute. Lol
Cheers
Really looking forward to the fest. 

You should stay at home with the Mrs you selfish bugger
There's going to be some damm good write ups, photos and videos! You'll almost feel like your there

I feel your pain Brother Bic, i feel your pain!

Im in almost the same situation myself and having trouble justifying it!

Me and wifey own and share our business, she runs the office and looks after office staff and i go out and deal with all the shit heads, scum and general low life that our business has to deal with.

We also have 2 children, our lil man whos 5 and our baby girl whos 11 months!

Now, we currently only have child care (my parents) for the little girl on a monday, the rest of the week is me and wifey juggling between business and childcare/scholl run etc.

Now the problems start here, the Crashfest is a monday and tuesday during school holidays, 2 of the girls in our office also have kids off school and already have leave booked that week leaving my wife and 1 other part time girl to man the office. We have no child care that week as my parents are away on a long weekend

Just to top it all off were away on a family holiday 3 days after cadwell so theres going to be loads of dead ends for me to tie up with the business before we go!

So im pretty stuffed really!

I keep dropping hints but were that busy with everything at the moment the hints are going completly un-noticed

I may try a compromise tonight and see if i can get away with doing the Monday evening TD, stay over and do the OPL on tuesday! At least then im only away for 1 night and hopefully the office wont be too busy as alot of our clients will be on holz anyway!?

The only plus i have over you Bic is that i can if i have to, drive to Cadwell in 2hr 20mins so 1 day might (its a big might) not be out the question!

Fook knows - watch this space

Just tell her you love her very much but with all the stress and lack of SD time you could really use a short 'mancation'
Especially when you tell her you're in doubt of going because you don't want to leave her with more work then needed she will probably tell you you should really go. At least that's how my girlfriend works with those things

Another option:

Bring the kids to a relative fro the saturday and make your wive go to the spa with a friend of hers to relax for a change. This way you don't feel guilt being away and she has a good time to.

Wow! Thanks for all your support and comments, never thought I'd get so many. I was drunk last night and it was a bit of therapy to put the question to the forum.
Ha ha.

I might try this for other stuff then.

So, at my company we have this problem with two of our staff not getting on and .............

No on second thoughts, you don't want to know

I will keep you posted as to whether I can make it to Cadwell.

by the way crashfest is right!!! after last year!!! just dont go in a group where "who wears the biggest bollox wins" cos it will end in tears and kerching!!!


my dilemma was sorted by er indoors who booked a holiday the first two weeks in August...sorted!!! although i would love to be there for the inters and the nightime banter...gonna miss that

Got to sympathise with Bic and Big Ash. Also I have to say it doesnt really get better for years. TJ has a 3 year old and no more leisure time than when he had a baby. When my missus was at home with the kids I felt I had to take over at weekends to give her a break and since she went back to work she is out of the house at 6am and back between 6 - 7pm, plus trips abroad and meetings / courses in Wales etc etc.

I have a 6 year old and an 8 year old and have no leisure time at all - and no prospect of any for the forseeable future. My week consists of taking the kids to school, going to work, picking them up on Mondays, picking my 6 year old up from Karate on Tues, Picking my 8 year old from Gymnastics on Thurs. Saturday I have to do my banking plus take youngest to Gymnastics then back to take either eldest to swimming then ballet or youngest to ballet then swimming. If we want to do anything as a family we have a few hours on Sunday. If I want to ride my bike it has to be on those same few hours! If I want to shag my missus I have to make an appointment, I got the next available one March 2013

It's the summer holidays in 3 weeks, yipee. So instead of the school run I get to drop the kids at summer camp, horseriding lessons or at one of the grandparents.

Being self employed I have not had longer than 10 days (over X Mas) holiday in the last 10 years. So this summer we are set on a 2 week holiday. Has to be in the summer holidays as we took kids out of school for holiday last year. But guess what? Far fewer charter flights this year so holidays are more expensive (2 weeks Gran Canaria 6700 quid!!) and the only dates I am getting at the minute all clash with the crashfest

I really dont want to miss out, it felt crap missing last year's antics. But I doubt Danno, Ash, Bic or I will end up missing one second - even if we arent there!!

The whole event will be live to air like Gulf War 1. There are so many Go Pro's now, everybody is walking around with one on their head like a bloody Tellitubby convention. Watch the destruction as it happens. It will be like Big Brother, except no fit birds and hopefully no one having a shower or a shag It will be like The Apprentice with one participant going home or to hospital in a helicopter (with the bike in a wreckers truck) each hour.

The usual voice of restraint and black sheep of SD Net, aaaaarrrrrrrkid Weeksey has started crashing early. Although how anyone could notice crash damage to that old relic of a Ducati is beyond me. Caaaaaaalm
Down, Caaaaaaaalm down, ooops

This just goes to show take every chance you can to ride. The older the little angels get the more time and money they will consume!
It took 20 odd years after my first was born before I started to ride again on a regular basis. No time or money for almost 2 decades.
If Mrs Bic says go and do the trackfest go for it

As usual Luke, an excellent post!

Everybody i know seems to think those of us that have our own business has it easy, we have tons of time to ourselves, work when we want, holiday when we want and never have to waorry about a boss breathing down our necks!

As luke says, weve had a business now for 9 years, and its only the last 3 years weve managed a weeks holiday a year! and now we have a kid in school were forced to holiday with all the other bloody families that dont want to be there with thier families and pay a premium for the privilage

MAN it would be great to go back to my twentys

Wife, kids(8 and 6 year old boys demolition team), house, work, wife's business, etc... If I'm lucky I'll get out with friends for a day 4-5 times a year.
I do commute daily, 7-8 months of the year though and that is where I get the relief. So it's not on a track but I did 200kph on the way to work yesterday