Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife
The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently resides, the Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the Union in the northeast of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
AGRO!
2011-08-18 05:58:00 UTC
Aussieduke
2011-08-18 08:23:00 UTC
Bwa,hahahahahaahahahahah
And before they start.... Those that dont have a sense of humor....F#%k you!
And before they start.... Those that dont have a sense of humor....F#%k you!
MrZ32
2011-08-18 08:50:00 UTC
i must say, i thouroughly enjoyed that.
got anymore that involve gilard? (you cant just say that she herself is a joke because, although true it is not very inventive)
got anymore that involve gilard? (you cant just say that she herself is a joke because, although true it is not very inventive)
The Gin Reaper
2011-08-18 09:30:00 UTC
No worries, the rioters will take up the slack.
jambox
2011-08-18 09:45:00 UTC
......pmsl!